Ed Edd 'n' Eddy Class of 71 (Get Ed Job)
by Lindsay2000
Summary: Ed Edd 'n' Eddy back in the early 1970s.


**Ed Edd 'n' Eddy Class of 71**

 **Get Ed Job**

 **By:** Lindsay

On Monday afternoon, during last period in Mr. Black's algebra class, I was waiting anxiously for four o' clock to roll around. I mean, it was only five minutes until then, but in algebra it can seem like eternity, especially if you're as bad at it as I am. Sure I get straight B minuses, but I still think I'm positively terrible at it. But just when I thought five minutes would never fly, they did, and the bell rang. I ran out of the classroom, and only stopped for a minute to talk to Penny and Eddy. I wasn't driving them anywhere because my dad said that he wanted to talk with me about something last night after school, but he wouldn't say what. That was the reason why I was so excited to get out of school. Thereafter, I immediately fired up my station wagon and drove home.

Do you ever get a premonition about something? Like, let's say you've lost your bus pass and all of a sudden you get an insane sixth sense that's it's mixed up in your science notebook so you look and there it is? Well, when I was driving home, I suddenly realized...I literally _knew_ by some miraculous sixth sense that dad was gonna tell me something good! Like, maybe he wanted to talk to me about raising my allowance, or letting me stay out with my chick or my pals 'till the cows come home, or possibly even shipping Sarah off to a boarding school in Switzerland! I tell ya, it was an enormous relief.

When I went inside my house, nobody, not even Sarah or Jimmy, was there. So, while I was waiting for dad to come home and have that talk with me, I decided to go in my room and turn on my Led Zeppelin I album. After about twenty minutes to listening to it, I didn't even notice my dad coming in my room and taking the needle off the record!

"Oh hi dad," I said. "What's this _talk_ going to be about?"

"Son," he said. "Please, let's go into my room."

As I followed him, I was still trying to think about what he was going to tell me. If it meant going in him and Ma's room, maybe it wasn't something good, after all. But you never know!

"Okay," he continued, sitting down on the bed with me. "I need to talk to you about..."

"Yeah?" I asked anxiously, I, after all, have been waiting since last night to find out what.

"About that you aren't doing as much work as should be..."

Unfortunately, that sixth sense was also an enormous mistake. An utterly, totally, disgustingly false premonition, based, I suppose, on wishful thinking. And if you think _that's_ bad, wait 'till you hear the rest...

"And..." I said guilty sounding.

"I think that you need a job! I mean, you're going to be 18 in March, and you've only had one job and that was almost two years ago!"

"Do you remember how terrible that one job was? It was The Rusty Barnacle! And the reason why I quit after only a month of working there was that I got my hand stuck in the grease, _fish_ grease trap twice, and because I got paid almost nothing!"

"Yes, but you need a _real_ job, a job that's promising. And I think you could easily get one. After all, you're a young man full of spunk and zip! People _like_ workers with spunk and zip!"

Spunk and Zip, Spunk and Zip. It sounded like a book about two Swedish brothers. _The Adventures of Spunk and Zip. Spunk and Zip and the Frozen Fiord. Spunk and Zip in the Sunken Ship._ See Spunk zip. Good Lord, was I going mad?

"I'm sorry," I said bluntly. "You were saying?"

"As I was saying," he continued. "You have great chances of getting a promising job! You've got spunk and zip!"

 _Spunk and Zip in New York Cit-_ there I go again!

"Wait a minute," I added. "Does this mean I'm gonna have to sign a million applications and go to a slew of job interviews?"

"Certainly not!" he said triumphantly. "Because you're already hired!"

"What the heck do you mean?"

"That you, Ed, my first-born son, are going to be my assistant over at Joffert and Jenning's!"

"Wha?" I didn't know what to say. "I-I'm in the advertising mogul?"

"That's right, Edward! Starting next Monday, after school, you'll be working right with me! And not to mention on the weekends!"

"But-but, dad!" I stammered. "I won't have time to be with my friends, or Penny, or anything!"

"You can see your chums and that girlfriend of yours at school. Work is..."

"More important than Double D, Eddy, or Penny?"

"Son, you're missing the point. This is now the beginning of the '70s,it's no longer the so-called free-spirited '60s like it was. 1971 is what we're in now and we can't change that. Just like we can't control how old you're getting..."

Blah, blah, BLAH. I hate it when he does that!

"Dad..." I sighed.

"No objections," he said, now annoyed. "You're getting that job!"

There was no point in arguing. Dad was _not_ going to change his mind about this.

"All right..." I sighed again.

"That's my boy," he said, no longer annoyed.

It was worse than I ever thought. A job. I barley had enough time as it was to be with my friends and keep my grades up so I could get out of school and graduate in June, now I had a job thrown in there. With my dad!

The next morning in Mr. Goober's English class, I could barley think about the reports we were writing, I kept thinking about that job I'm getting.

"Edward?" asked Mr. Goober. "Is there a problem?"

"No," I replied.

"Then get back to work post taste!"

"Ed, what's the matter?" whispered Penny.

"I'll tell you at lunch, this place is too quiet!"

Early afternoon at lunch, when I sat with Double D, Eddy, Penny, and Kate. I figured now was the time to tell them about last night.

"Here's what's the matter," I told them. "Last night, my dad said that I have a job with him over at Joffert and Jenning's."

"That's terrific, Ed!" said Double D.

"You don't understand, you see, I have to work after school and on the weekends! I won't have time for anything!"

"That's a bummer," said Eddy.

"But maybe it won't be so bad," said Kate, who was picking at a green salad. "It could be a real experience. And maybe you'll get paid more since you're working with your dad."

"That's right," said Penny. "With all that bread, we could do more on our nights out."

"Y'now," I said, feeling better. "Maybe you're right..."

When next Monday came around, after school, I went home, changed into my business suit, and drove off to the building where my dad works downtown. It's this really tall building made almost entirely of glass, and my dad works at the top floor. It took me a few minutes to find a parking spot in the parking garage nearby, and when I did, I got out of the car and went in the building.

The lobby was really nice, it had a black and white checkered linoleum floor and a café nearby. It took me a minute to find the elevator, and when I did I pressed the button to the top floor, which was the 30th. It took a while because it stopped at almost every other floor to let people on and off. When I finally got to the top, I looked and noticed a door with a sign: _Mr. William Krofft._ My dad's office!

"Hiya, son!" he said when I walked in. "Ready for your new job?"

"I guess," I said nervously.

"No need to be sheepish, let me show you where you'll be working."

I followed him into a nearby smaller office where there was a desk with a typewriter, an adding machine, as well as a lot of paper.

"Exactly what will I be doing?" I asked.

"You know," he said. "Typing business letters, working with money, y'now, business things. But first, I've got to show you how you work around here."

For the next twenty minutes, dad explained how you work there. He told me what to say when answered phones, how to use the adding machine, and so on.

"Son, I think you'll really like it here."

For the next few weeks at work, I liked it because how much money I was getting! I got an 8-track player for my car and a bunch of 8-track tapes for it! And I also bought some new record albums, too. And dad was real nice, more than I expected. But the thing I didn't like was this: how long I had to work each day. I'd drive home from school, get dressed, and drive all the way downtown. And I had to work from four-thirty to ten, and when I got home I had to do a bunch of homework and didn't get done 'till one or two in the morning. And at school, I'd be exhausted, especially in homeroom. Once I fell asleep and Mr. Goober woke me up by hitting me in the head with a book! And at lunch, I'd be so tired that could barley talk. That's when one day at work, Double D and Eddy decided to pay a visit...

"Hi, Ed!" said Eddy. He startled me so bad that I hit the return key on the typewriter so hard that the carriage flew off onto the floor and under the desk.

"Greetings, Ed!" said Double D as I picked up the carriage from the floor under my desk.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked, confused.

"We just came to see what you do around here and how you were doing," said Eddy.

"How the heck did you get past my dad?"

"He wasn't there. The secretary said that he went to the café in the lobby," said Double D.

"Well, as long as dad's not here, let's kick back and talk a while."

"Sure," said Eddy, lighting a cigarette, even though a million NO SMOKING signs flocked the building.

About twenty minutes later, I heard the door to my dad's office open, and if he saw Double D and Eddy here, he'd have my neck.

"Oh no! My dad's here! Quick! Hide!" I said. "And Eddy, if dad sees that cigarette he'll have _your_ neck!"

As I took Eddy's cigarette and stamped it out viscously in an ashtray I found in my desk, Double D hid in a coat closet while Eddy hid under the desk. Then dad came in.

"Hiya son," he greeted. "I thought I heard voices and smelled cigarette smoke, but I guess it's just my imagination."

"Yeah, it is..." I said.

"Look," he continued. "I think you're really working hard, maybe too hard. And I've decided that tomorrow, you can have the day off. And it's a Saturday, so you can do whatever you want with your friends and that chick of yours, too. Take her on a night out! Just, you know, don't do anything, well, too serious. Now get back to work! It's only 5 o' clock!"

As he left the room, I called out to the stowaways, "The coast is clear!"

When Double D burst out of the closet and Eddy crept out of under the desk, they sounded happy about tomorrow.

"Oh yeah!" said Eddy. "We'll have a guys-only day!"

"Except the date with Penny!" I said. And I was real happy, we haven't been on a date in a few weeks.

"Correct!" said Double D. "Well, I guess we'd better go now, see you tomorrow!"

"Wait! I can't let dad know you guys were here! And the only way out besides through his office is...the air vent!"

"Ed!" Double D said, disgusted. "Do you know what lives up in those vents? Dust and germs! So unsanitary!"

"Well," I continued. "He'll get both of your necks if he catches you in here when I'm supposed to be working like a dog..."

"And he'll know I smoked!" said Eddy, opening the air vent. "C'mon, Double D!"

Eddy grabbed Double D and tossed him into the air vent, which led to much complaining about dust mites.

"We'll find our way out!" shouted Eddy. In fact, I think they already did. I heard them fall out and then heard them go into an elevator.

That Saturday, I went out to lunch with Double D and Eddy. We went to get some pizza. And after that, we went to the record store and to Eddy's house. It was the grooviest! And the best part was that I got a date with Penny that night!

At four o' clock that afternoon, I was listening to a record-Creedence Clearwater Revival to be exact-with Penny in my room, when dad called.

"Oh good, I'm glad I caught you. I was afraid you'd be out and about," he said.

"Nah," I said, jamming the phone between my ear and my shoulder as I put my arm around Penny. "We're going out tonight. Thanks for reminding me not to do too much. Talk to you la..."

"Edward, hang in there a minute. You haven't even heard what I called up about in the first place. Look, did you really make plans with Penny tonight? Because if you did, cancel it. The whole thing's changed. You'll have to go on that date with Penny some other night."

"Man! Why? I've been really looking forward to that."

"I know, Edward. But Francie's Fortified Fish Fingers are in town and I had to invite them for dinner."

"Say that again?" I said, stupidly. My mind was boggling.

"OK, we'll take it from the top very slowly," he said. "The client and his wife, Mr. and Mrs. Philip Frampton, she calls him Phillie and he calls her Francie, and you've heard me talk about them a million times are in town and I invited them over for dinner."

"Here? You invited them _here?_ You wouldn't! Not today! Invite them for tomorrow. Please dad, how about tomorrow?"

"No can do, son, they're only in town for one night. And they want to see you and Sarah so they're coming over at six-thirty. I'll be home at five-thirty to change. And don't worry, we're not having fortified fish. I'm having you Ma whip up something. See you then!"

"You're one terrific surprise after another," I snapped into the phone, but it was too late, he'd already hung up.

"What happened?" asked Penny, concerned.

"Francie's Fortified Fish Fingers happened," I said. "One of my dad's clients is coming over tonight. Our date's off."

"What?" said Penny, upset. "Oh Ed! That's terrible!"

"I know, I was looking forward to it, too."

"Hey!" said Penny, no longer upset. "Why don't I stay for dinner with your dad's client?"

"What?" I couldn't believe what she said. "You want to stay for dinner with Francie's Fortified Fish Fingers?"

"Well, since our date's been killed off because of that, I want to do the next best thing."

"Well, okay if you want to." That hippie chick doesn't realize how much danger she's in. I've been to dinners with my dad's clients. They're everything but nice. The client's usually pushy, rude, and obnoxious, and they only pretend to be nice around me and Sarah. But if Penny wanted to stay, I couldn't stop her.

A few minutes later, Penny and I went upstairs to the living room, hoping to catch _All in the Family_ on TV. Ma wasn't there yet, but Sarah and her whole howling mob, fifteen of them, were. They had rearranged the living room furniture to make a commando course for themselves and they were using a curtain rod for high jumping. A Jackson 5 album, on the highest possible volume, echoed the room with their shouting. The place looked terrific.

"What the bloody you-know-what do you think you're all doing?" I shouted at them, taking the needle off the Jackson 5 record. "Where do you think you are-Parris Island? Fort Dix? This is a living room. To be more exact, this is _my_ living room into which my parents and Francie's Fortified Fish Fingers are coming over in less than two hours. Now get every blooming stick of furniture back where it was and pick up your Coke bottles and your apple cores. I want your ugly little bodies outta here in five minutes, d'ya hear me!?"

Man did I scare them! It was like running a cartoon backwards and faster.

"Look," I said calmly. "I'm sorry that I yelled at all of you. But there's something I must know before you leave-what were you all even doing here?"

"You see, Ed," said Jimmy. "We were going to have our club meeting at Heather's house but her mom's sick."

"So we had it here," added Sarah.

"Then you got mad and kicked us out," said another girl.

"Oh, well, we're very busy tonight and we can't have fifteen preteens running amok, so leave, NOW!"

Right after Sarah's mob left, I told her, "Please, don't have one of those club meetings here without me, Ma, or dad knowing about it first, all right?"

"Okay," said Sarah, pretending to listen. The brat!

"Man," said Penny. "It's times like this that make me glad I'm an only child and have no family for that matter."

"I know what ya mean," I added, giving her a hug.

Just then, Ma came in with two bags of groceries and set them on the counter in the kitchen. "Edward, I'm just as unhappy as you are about this dinner thing tonight, but-oh, hi Penny! What are you doing here?"

"I'm gonna stay for dinner," she replied. "I want to see how bad the client dinners really are!"

"Well, you'll soon find out, dear. Now if you two excuse me I've got to make dinner for tonight, and they're going to be here in only an hour and a half."

After dad came home and got dressed, Sarah and Ma were in their nicest dresses waiting for the Framptons to get here. Fortunately, dad said I could just wear my regular clothes. The reason why I'm happy about that is because last year, when the client for Sunshine Detergent came over, I had to take two showers and wear a suit. And he didn't say a word about Penny being here. He was worried about the main guests. And a few minutes later, when they got here, dad opened the door for them and they greeted us.

"Well, hello, Bill!" said Mr. Frampton. "So nice to invite us to your most lovely home!"

I knew that he didn't really mean the lovely homestead remark, all clients do that to get a good first impression. Because the thing about first impressions is, you only get to make one.

"And these must be the children!" said Mrs. Frampton. "This sweet little darling must be Sarah, you must be Ed, and you, uh, you...tall girl with the black hair, your name is..."

"I'm Penny Lane," she said. "I'm really not related, I'm Ed's girlfriend."

"Oh yes...um..." I know what Mrs. Frampton was thinking, what's that hippie doing here? A lot of people do that with Penny, just because she's a hippie they think she's on dope or something. But I know for a fact that she isn't!

"Please, let me show you where we'll be eating," said dad as he escorted us to the dining room. "Let's sit down, shall we?"

As we all sat down for dinner, Ma came out with a platter of New Orleans casserole and put some on all of our plates and we began to eat as Mr. Frampton and dad began to talk.

"So Bill," said Mr. Frampton. "I see that you have a nice family, and we've got another commercial to do for our lovely fortified fish, and I was wondering if you could write another jingle for it, would you?"

"I would be honored," said dad.

The last commercial he wrote for them, Mr. Frampton liked it so much that he sent us a huge crate of Francie's Fortified Fish Fingers. If he did that again with this new jingle, I'd probably be stuck eating it for the rest of my life. Just thinking about it was enough to make my stomach hurt...

As they continued to talk, the rest of us got pretty quiet. Penny didn't say much, and Ma and Mrs. Frampton sat as far from each other as possible. It kept going like that until dad brought _me_ up...

"Mr. Frampton," dad said. "I want to tell you about my son here; he works with me and he loves it, don't you son? Well, how about it?"

"I bet you do! You look like a fine upstanding young man," said Mr. Frampton.

I hated it when people talked about me like that, except for the money, I hated my job! I couldn't keep up at school, I never got to see my pals, or anything! That's when I boomed out, "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! I HATE MY JOB AND EVERYTHING ABOUT IT! ARRRRGGGHHH!" Thereafter, I ran into my room in the basement and slammed the door.

"KROFFT!" boomed Mr. Frampton. "That son of yours is a dirty traitor and a backstabber! Pretending to like his job! What kinda father are ya!? You can forget about this account! C'mon, Francie, let's get outta here!"

As they left, Penny and dad went into my room and sat on my bed next to me.

"Son," dad said. "About what you said..."

"What? That I'm a dirty traitor for not liking my job?"

"No, Edward, I want to _thank_ you."

"Y-you do? Why?"

"Because I positively hated that guy and his fortified fish and thanks to you he's out of my hair."

"Yeah," said Penny. "He was just a square. I thought it was funny how much he overreacted!"

"Edward," continued dad. "I'll do you whatever you want, just name it..."

"How about letting me quit my job?" I suggested.

He was silent for a moment, but then he said, "Sure...I think we could arrange that."

You are NOT going to believe what happened next... _I hugged my dad._ Out of the nearly 18 years of my life, I never did that...it was the happiest moment of my life.

The next morning, my dad went into the kitchen and collected all the boxes of Francie's Fortified Fish Fingers. He dumped them into the garbage. Ma felt bad that he had lost such an important account. But dad told her not to worry. Francie's Fortified Fish Fingers weren't selling very well in the stores. Nobody seemed the like the idea of fortified fish.

"Y'now dad," I said. "I only ate that fortified fish to be polite! I positively hated it!"

"Son," he said. "I thought it was pretty revolting myself!"

~~~ THE END ~~~


End file.
